Tis the season

Last year at this time I was awaiting the news of the amniocentesis.  Scared for the results and wanting to know.  There wasn't much joy at this time last year.  There was a great deal of faking the happiness of the season...you know that old saying, "Fake it till you make it".  I was trying to stay positive about the Christmas season for my other children and trying to stay away from that monster depression that was looming because of the coming news.

I was unpacking the Christmas decorations today with Phoenix and we were singing the Christmas songs and having a good time and Cora was in her baby swing and watching and doing her baby talking.  When Phoenix came to the point of finding the packed away socks and hanging them I started to think back to last year and was grew silent.

The older kids noticed and asked me what was wrong.  I told them that I was remembering last year and the sadness that I felt when you girls picked out this sock for Cora. You knew she would be sharing Christmas with us this year and you didn't want to miss out on getting her a Tinkerbell sock.  They asked me why I was sad about buying the stocking and I told them that at the time we didn't know what our life was going to be like with Cora and I didn't even know if she would survive the pregnancy or the birth. That this time last year I was waiting to hear the news from the results of the testing.

All of the kids got really quiet and we all looked at Cora chatting away in her swing.  Oblivious to the emotions that were working their way through the room, Cora was just happy and chatting and smiling at us and thinking it was awesome that she had the undivided attention of everyone in the room.

It was then that I told all the kids, "What an absolute blessing Cora has been to all of us.  If I could go back in time I would hug myself tightly and tell myself that it was going to be okay.  That Cora would be a blessing to the family and that I would be able to handle the challenges as they came."

It was then that I heard the words that I usually tell everyone else, "All is well mama and it is what it is."  Sometimes when we hear our own words from someone else, especially our own children, it makes everything joyful and right.  I was given a huge "AHA" moment.

At that point we all started hanging the lights and went back to decorating.  Tis the season to be thankful and full of good cheer.  Yes indeed.  It is what it is and there ain't no changing it.  Truth be told, I wouldn't change Cora one bit.

 Cora discovering her stocking

 Older sisters (Melissa and Emily) thinking it would be a cute photo op for Cora to be in her stocking.  Alas, Cora's stocking was to small.