Cora is a daughter first!

I was approached by a friendly person who politely asked me, "How's it feel to be a mother to a Down Syndrome baby?"

Did your breath just leave you?  Did you have a moment of thinking , "What the heck?"  Because I sure did.  I politely answered the question with "My daughter is wonderful, however I have no idea how the Down Syndrome is doing."  Pretty cheeky I thought.  Unfortunately, the person who it was meant to put in their place totally did not understand my sarcasm and said "That's great." and walked away.

You see, for me, Cora is not Down Syndrome.  She is Cora.  She merely happens to have a third chromosome on her 21st pair of chromosomes and that gives her Down syndrome.  It in no way makes her less than my daughter.  It does not make her a Downs baby. 

I don't remember ever being asked "How does it feel to be a mom to another child?"  or "How does it feel to have another daughter?  or son?"  when I had my other babies with me.  People were ready and handy with the congratulations for my other kids when they were babies.  For some reason, it is assumed that because Cora is not your average baby (for lack of a better term) I don't need the congratulations.

I understand that it makes people uncomfortable, for something that is seen as not the norm for our society is viewed as less than worthy or less than acceptable, therefore no congratulations needed, just discomfort from others in how to be nice to me or to Cora.  I understand all that, yet, I wonder.

I wonder if the lady at the circus who was advertised as the "Bearded Lady" to draw customers ever longed to be known by her name and not her appearance.  I am sure that she would have loved to be known as a woman first, a woman with a name second and last of all the woman with a beard.  Did she struggle with the same uncomfortable verbal exchange that confronts Cora and I at times? 

In all I guess today's question was far friendlier than the day I was asked , "Are you gonna try again?" when the woman realized my newborn had Down syndrome.  I did have the common sense to hold my cheeky wit in place that day and just smiled and said, "No, why?"  Because at that moment in my baby blues and this beautiful 3 week old daughter sleeping in her car seat in the shopping buggy , she was exactly what I wanted. 

 The confrontations and rude questions will continue to be there through our journey, and the answers haven't really gotten any better (maybe a bit more smart assy), but through it all I still have........A beautiful, sweet baby smelling, snugly, daughter. And you know what, nine months later she still is all that and much more.