The Beginning

It all started on December 14, 2010.  This is the day that I found out I was going to give birth to a daughter that has Down Syndrome.  I already knew I was having a girl and had already lovingly named her Cora Jean.    Every time I felt her move or kick within my womb I loved her greater than the moment before.  I knew I loved her, just like my other children before they were born.  What I didn't know was if  I could raise a child that was going to have special needs.  A child with Down syndrome.

The doctor walked into the room and sat down in his chair.  "Your blood work came back with markers for possible Down syndrome and that was why you choose the amniocentesis and we have the results of the amnio.  I didn't want to tell you over the phone.  YOUR DAUGHTER HAS DOWN SYNDROME...now here is the next step.  You already told me last time that no matter the results you could not terminate the pregnancy so my goal is to get you through this pregnancy and to help you deliver a healthy baby girl."

I couldn't breathe.  Did the room suddenly get hot?  Is it cold in here? Where is the air?
Breathe Katrina, just Breathe.
There was a chance the test could be wrong, right?  I mean, how accurate is 90 something percent anyhow, right? How could I have done this to this baby, this innocent baby growing inside me?
Breathe Katrina, just Breathe.
What was I going to tell family and friends?  What was I going to tell the kids?  What was I going to do?
Did the Doctor just say I wasn't going to give birth to a "normal" baby, then what was I giving birth too?  Oh my God, Oh my God...

All these thoughts ran through my head within a split second.  I remember this day so clearly.  I still sometimes wish I could forget that day, but it was not and can not be forgotten.

I was lost in thought.  My mind was screaming, racing, frozen , all at the same time. It would remain like that for several months.  It was the day that marked the real beginning of  Mama and Cora Jean's Journey.